A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. [Proverbs 14:1]
Are you struggling in your marriage and living in constant conflict with your husband? Here’s a little secret ladies. The Bible clearly says that you as a Christian woman have the ability to determine the outcome of your marriage.
What does this mean exactly? A Christian woman’s actions, can either build up her home in harmony, or tear it down to ruin.
A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense. [Proverbs 24:3]
As wives, it is critical to build up and encourage your spouse, as opposed to tearing them down. Yes, there will be conflict in marriage. Let’s be honest, a husband and wife are two very different people. Woman think much differently than men, so we cannot expect our husbands to always understand “our” way of thinking.
If we are always telling our husbands that they are wrong and never good enough, what outcome do we expect? Eventually, they will give in to submission and become the very thing we keep saying.
In your marriage, make it a point to encourage, compliment, and support your husband, whatever his endeavors may be. As a Christian woman, he is looking to you, as his life partner, for encouragement. Men have an innate need to provide and protect, but they are also human and looking for validation when they succeed.
We live in a very feminist era. I agree that woman are strong and can overcome anything, but let’s also remember to let our husbands to be men. If we don’t treat them like men and continually overpower them, eventually our marriage will suffer as a result.
A foolish woman is unruly and defiant. [Proverbs 7:11]
It may be a bit stereotypical, but women are usually more talkative than their male counterparts. But, we also need to be very careful of the words we are using, especially with our spouses. Words are easy to say, but can leave a lasting impression.
Be careful of the words you use with your husband. When we are in conflict with our spouses, oftentimes we can reach that boiling point where we just lose it. We say whatever we can think of, no matter the ramifications, in order to get our point across.
In the heat of the moment, the only thing we are thinking about is having the last word and “winning” the argument. Well, have you ever considered trying not to have the last word? Instead of yelling and talking over our spouses, have we ever just taken a step back and listened to what they were saying? Take care to choose your words wisely and remember their lasting ramifications. After the argument is over, your words still remain.
It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home. [Proverbs 25:24]
Going back to the power of words, I remember the early days of my own marriage. First of all, let me say, my husband has a pretty easy-going personality. For the most part, he maintains his cool, especially when in conflict.
Remember those early days of marriage and how easy it was to argue with your spouse? Well, I was no different. I am the complete opposite of my husband, generally loud, talkative and with this annoying habit of always wanting to be right.
Conflict is very easy to come about in marriage, especially at the beginning. Those first years are spent learning about your spouse, their habits, their likes and dislikes, their mannerisms, etc. Oftentimes, the smallest thing can set us off and spark an argument, and I was no different.
Like a ticking time bomb, I would start to yell and scream at my husband, saying anything and everything to get him to hear my point of view. Well, what did my husband do? He would immediately become silent and stoic, most often just listening and not saying a word. Ironically enough, this would infuriate me even more, which of course led to more yelling on my part.
Well, during one particular argument, things suddenly changed. Here I was yelling, with my husband sitting there quietly as usual. All of a sudden, my husband looks at me and yells, “Will you please shut up and be quiet for a minute!”
To say the least, I was stunned.
Up until this point, my husband had not raised his voice at me, ever. I was used to our arguments going in a similar fashion. They would start with me yelling and shouting like a maniac, and him sitting still and quiet. Eventually, I would calm down and become remorseful of my actions. My husband would forgive me, and we would move on. Conflict momentarily resolved, but of course, not really.
The day my husband raised his voice at me, I learned a very important marriage lesson. With my constant yelling, I was teaching my husband that this is how we resolve conflict. In order to be heard, we needed to raise our voices and yell.
Well, the poor man finally had enough of my yelling. He decided that in order to get his point across, yelling was the obvious solution. Needless to say, after my “epiphany”, I was a bit more cautious with my words and actions. I am by no means perfect, and life is never without conflict, but I am more aware of my words and the impression they leave.
A good wife is the pride and joy of her husband, but she who brings shame is like cancer to his bones. [Proverbs 12:4]
Along with encouraging your husband in both words and actions, strive to be a Christian woman of virtue and character. What does this mean exactly? Well, we should always strive to be an example to other women around us. Our attitudes and behaviors gives others a glimpse of our true character.
Strive to be the “pride and joy” of your husband. Take care of yourself mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally. Be a “helper” for your husband, and always find ways to fill in the gaps wherever he is lacking.
Take care of your home and spend finances wisely, finding ways to help and contribute. Guide and teach your children, nurturing them and training them in the way they should go. Serve your family, friends and neighbors, having a heart of service and hospitality.
Core Biblical virtues can so easily be lost in today’s modern world, and it is important to give yourself grace when you fail. Perfection does not exist; we are human. The purpose of life is to grow and learn from our mistakes. We do this by bettering our marriages and deepening our relationship with God. Marriage is hard! But, when something is hard and takes a lot of work, the rewards are always so much sweeter.